Orochimaru's Lair Of Snakes
by Aqua-Lee
Summary: A Spin-off series of "Akatsuki Unleashed". Orochimaru is one sick, twisted man, with a whole line of followers; what REALLY happens behind the sences? This is just a parody
1. Suigetsu's Fashion Mishap

The series I promised o.0 Tada! See sensei! Aqua is a good girl!

Yush! I am redoing them~ And I need to update this parody DX

Disclaimer: This is a parody, blah blah blah, I don't own Naruto.

Warning: This Parody series may contain bashing, so tough love my darlings.

_**Suigetsu's Fashion Mishap, Sasuke's POV**_

Poor Suigetsu, he never really did have a wardrobe of his own, seeing as he was always kept in a test tube. What was he an animal? Apparently that's what Orochimaru must have thought. With his lack of owning clothes, every time he was needed to train…he had to barrow someone's.

So that's what brings us today's problem, I couldn't get him to come out for training. I just tapped on the closet door again. "Come on out. It can't be that bad." He's normally not the type to care…so, what did Karin give him to wear?

"I'm not coming out, I'd rather live in the test tube my whole life!" He wined.

"We're just going to spar." I was getting annoyed, and extremely impatient. "Get your ass out here, before I kick it to Konoha." A few seconds later the door creaked open, finally.

~.~

"You late, all of you." Orochimaru scolded. We had finally made it to the training room, having to drag Suigetsu all the way here was no easy task.

We all stood in a line facing Orochimaru. Well Karin and I were in a line. Suigetsu hid behind me. I growled. "Your too close, move." I threatened. He slowly moved to stand next to me.

"Good, so you're all here. For today's training we are going to-"He paused, finally noticing Suigetsu. "Suigetsu! What in the name of god's green earth are you wearing!?" I couldn't tell whether Orochimaru was going to laugh or scream. He decided the former.

"IT'S KARIN'S FAULT!" The blood was rushing to his face. Poor guy.

"Doesn't it look lovely on him Sasuke-kun?" Karin said latching onto my arm.

"…" There were too many things wrong with this picture. I moved my arm out of Karin's grasp. Well that's one less thing…Now the other…was kind of hard to fix.

Suigetsu finally lost it. "A PINK DRESS! WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU THINK A PINK DRESS WOULD LOOK LOVELY ON A MAN!?!" He growled deeply and stomped off. Orochimaru was still laughing too hard to care.

"I could have let him go nude." Karin added.

"So much for the lesson," Orochimaru found the breath to talk again. "It did look lovely on him though Karin."

They were all insane…and I was stuck with it.


	2. Would You Like Snake With That?

_**Would You Like Snake With That?**_

_**Itachi's POV**_

_**Almost AU**_

I was hungry, no starving, along with the other Akatsuki members. It was a cold Saturday night and we had nothing better to do, so I decided we could order pizza, on Tobi's tab of course. So I went into the room Pain-sama liked to call a "Kitchen". It was abnormally cold, and huge to be a kitchen in my opinion.

I picked up the phone and dialed the number to what was supposed to be the best pizza place nearby. I waited for the ringing to stop and a chilly voice to answer. "Hello, welcome this is Orochimaru's house of snaky Delights, How may I help you this fine evening?"

"Hello, I would like 3 pizzas, one cheese, the others with extra pepperoni." I gave him our order.

"Ok Kabuto! 3 Sneeze pizzas with extra Sankeroni!" He screamed way too loud into my ear…WAIT! That's not what I ordered.

"That's not what I-" I began.

"Would you like an order of doom sticks with that? We also have scream soda on sale?" His chilling voice was beginning to piss me off.

"Wait! I asked for-" I tried again.

"Hey Sasuke! Kabuto CHOP CHOP! GET IT DONE NOW BITCHES!" He was also giving me a headache.

I heard a muffled voice in the background. "Can you even say that in this parody!?" it was of course, my brother who had spoken…Great…

"Ok sir! Your order will be their shortly! If not we will throw in a free henchman!" The annoying voice had spoken again. Boy was it getting annoying. I rubbed my temple.

Another voice in the back ground spoke. "B-but…"

"A henchman? Hey one of those may come in hand- HEY! That's not what I-" The phone went dead…he hung up…

"He didn't even get our address!"

~.~

_**Orochimaru's POV**_

"Good Lord he's a jabber mouth! Talk talk talk, it's all he ever does!" And its true Itachi was annoying most of the time.

Sasuke spoke, "Now you see why I want to kill him."

"Sasuke, you should have more sense than to swear murder on your elders." Kabuto spoke pushing his glasses up. Dang was Kabuto retarded sometimes…

"Shut up…or I will kill you. I do what I want." Invisible venom must have been leaking from Sasuke's mouth at the tone of his voice.

"Remind me again why I keep you around Kabuto?" I zoned back into what was happening before me. Seriously? Why did I keep him around…Must check into that. At that the phone began to ring. I pickied it up. "Hello?"

"This is Steve, calling to collect your monthly bill." So this is why I kept him around.

I handed Kabuto the phone. "It's for you!" I yelled and dragged Sasuke out of the room.


End file.
